FW: FW: FW: This is SO funny!

Cam's Hiatus

2006-03-22T08:54:00.000-06:00

I'm going on a temporary hiatus since I have absolutely no time to make entries. I am busy with out-processing and don't have access to this site at work anymore. So, don't expect any updates until June 2006. I look forward to coming back and telling you all about my adventures.

One Air Force to Rule Them All

2006-03-03T06:05:00.000-06:00

The Air Force is changed: I feel it in the keyboard, I feel it in the mouse, I smell it in the office...

Much that once was is lost, for only two now live who remember it.

It began with two airmen stationed at Ramstein Air Base, Germany. They were given good jobs and the strength and will to govern their network. But they were deceived... for other assignments were made for them.

In the land of Texas, in the city of San Angelo, Cam will be sent to control the new network. And in the land of D.C., where the city sleeps alone tonight, Mathews will be sent to control the new network. One Air Force to rule them all...

One by one, the people at Ramstein cry over the great loses they will need to suffer. But, there will be some to resist. A last alliance of Internet nerds will have their voice heard. Victory will be near, but the power of the Air Force will not be undone.

Come June 2006, Mathews will venture into Bolling AFB, Washington D.C. He will dodge many cars and sneaky politicians.
Come May 2006, Cam will venture into Goodfellow AFB, Texas. He will dodge many cowboys and sneaky... cattle.

For the time will soon come when these two airmen will shape the fortunes of all.

...not really.

Prerequisite Course

2006-02-26T00:34:00.000-06:00

I like participating in exercises; especially the ones that the Air Force offers. However, I think one of the stupidest things to do is to make a prerequisite course for an exercise. I have to take a course before I take a course? This is rediculous. The course was 165 PowerPoint slides. Talk about DBPP (Death By PowerPoint). After that, I had to take an exam that involved answering 85 questions. They were all re-worded too, so I couldn't just go back to the lessons and find the answers. Pain in my butt!

Curling

2006-02-24T10:27:00.000-06:00

I took a break today during work and headed down to the breakroom. The TV was playing the Winter Olympic sporting event of Curling. CURLING! Now, there is a sport! I attempted to read about it on Wikipedia, but I started to fall asleep. It's still a bloody mystery to me.

Where We Work

2006-02-20T03:49:00.000-06:00

I know you are all very interested to see where we work.

This is "the floor". The red circle is where I sit, the blue circle is where Steve sits, the green circle is where CNN sits, the purple circle is where we watch HP OpenView, and the orange circle is where water sits. See that? I have four monitors. That means I am more important than you.

If I look behind me, this is what I see.

People hard at work at the NOSC. But trust me, you won't find anyone actually smiling like this. My co-worker SSgt Bennett taking a phone call and opening a trouble ticket.

Our breakroom.

Outside of our building.

Super Bowl Monday

2006-02-06T00:06:00.000-06:00

The Super Bowl is over and the poor Seahawks lost. The game started around 1 AM over here in Germany (hence the appropriate title), so people get to come in to work late. Now, by "people", I mean everyone other than me. "Oh no, sorry Airman Stone. You will not be watching the game because you have to work at 6 AM." Actually, that quote isn't entirely accurate. They wouldn't say "sorry".

Bowling with Steve

2006-02-01T00:47:00.000-06:00

Steve and I get along because we make fun of each other. I believe that making fun of someone always points out some truths about that person. It's healthy. Well, about a year ago we went bowling. I never bowl. Bowling is for people who were never any good at more physical sports like baseball, soccer, and basketball.

For one of the games, we decided to do "goofy bowling". This is where every turn, you must bowl a certain way. During one set we decided to bowl between our legs. First, me:

Then, Steve:

I win.

Computer Fixing People

2006-01-28T00:20:00.000-06:00

Attacking Steve

2006-01-27T03:47:00.000-06:00

Steve was playing Counter-Strike on my computer, so I surprise attacked him with a pillow:

Except with lemon juice and salt.

2006-01-24T00:24:00.000-06:00

This depicts work perfectly.

Mmmm... SNAX0rZ

2006-01-23T08:01:00.000-06:00

(Click picture to enlarge... the picture... yeah.)

Comics that Apply

2006-01-19T07:39:00.000-06:00

I stole these from my sister-in-law's sister. They are comics that you'd expect to find on our cubicles.

Yotta! Yotta! Yotta!

2006-01-18T03:35:00.000-06:00

I don't know how much you know about computers, or more importantly data storage, but you should know what a terabyte is by now. If not, you should be ashamed of yourself and immediately ask for forgiveness. If so, continue on with me as we explore the depths of data storage capacity and its mating habits...

How about we start at kilobytes? Kilobytes are small. For example, the picture on the right is about 6 kilobytes. Puny... nothing.

A megabyte... we should all know what those are by now. Your average MP3 is about 4 MB. Getting bigger, but still miniscule compared to the things coming.

Gigabyte should be a household name now since most households have computers in them. Your average computer contains a hard drive that has about 100 GB worth of space on it. Personally, I have a 120 GB hard drive and I'm running low. I am thinking of buying a new 320 GB for my file storing pleasure. Also, the creation of HD DVD (High Definition Digital Video Disc) and the BD (Blu-ray Disc) will help. Both of these items can hold anywhere between 15 GB to 100GB of data.

We are going to start hearing the word terabyte more and more in the near future. 1 TB = approximately 1000 GB, so you can imagine how big that is. If that doesn't help, the books in the U.S. Library of Congress have been said to contain approximately 20 terabytes of text. Note that this may be an underestimation. The next generation of optical discs is called HVD (Holographic Versatile Disc) and they can hold up to 3.9 TB of information. It is my belief that computers will have multi-terabyte hard drives within the next couple decades.

A petabyte has nothing to do with the animal rights organization (thankfully) nor round flat wheat bread. It is only a step up the storage chain. Reportedly, Google has between 1.8 and 5 petabytes of storage. Also, in Star Trek: The Next Generation, the android Data was built with an ultimate storage capacity of 800 quadrillion bits, or approximately 88 petabytes.

We're starting to get into the rediculous stage when we talk about exabytes. As of 2005, exabytes of data are almost never encountered in any practical context. For example, the total amount of printed material in the world is estimated to be around five exabytes. I doubt that we will ever see any type of device hold this amount of data in our lifetime.

Above that is a zettabyte. Although it may sound like a pasta dish, there is nothing that is a zettabyte right now. Once again, this will probably be something that we will barely hear about when we are on our deathbeds.

The highest unit of information known to man right now is the yottabyte. The YB is equal to one septillion bytes. I didn't even know how much one septillion is, but I found out it is 10^24, or 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. That is absolutely insane.

This is the future and it's approaching one second at a time. In conclusion, for Christmas, I would like a 1 yottabyte hard drive rack plzkthx.

The Answer To My Prayers

2006-01-13T23:14:00.000-06:00

Worst Day of Work Ever!

2006-01-09T06:03:00.000-06:00

Yeah... that's all.

David Brent Dance in The Office

2006-01-03T01:32:00.000-06:00

the demise of the $.01 sign

2005-12-30T12:44:00.000-06:00

well i paid my kostenanforderung today
the exchange rate was .82 [see appendix a] which is decent, it usually hovers between .80 or .81 so my 348.75€ kostenanforderung actually cost me $423.81 - what did i learn from this?

to always put shit back the way you found it and to turn on my hazard lights anytime i leave my car so that when i get back i'll have a dead battery in addition to the original problem - man that was an expensive lesson

appendix a
if you didn't notice, there's no currency mark on the exchange rates above, that's because i was trying to find the cent sign, you know this one: ¢ and i couldn't find it in the microsoft character map

so of course i googled it and found out that it's been axed b/c it's not important enough, you can read about it here

Office Math

2005-12-30T03:41:00.000-06:00

The time between December 28 (Wednesday) and January 4 (Tuesday) equals 1 week which equals 7 days.

3 of those days, I will be working 12 hours.

4 of those days, I will be working 6 hours.

(12*3) + (6*4) = 60 hours.

60 / (24*7) = about 36%.

Therefore, about 36% of my New Year's week will be spent in the office.

The average working hours for other people in my office is 40 hours during a typical work week.
40 / (24*7) = about 24%.

Therefore, on average, other people in my office are at work for about 24% of their typical week.

However, it is not a typical week. We have holiday and goal days to think about.

The average working hours for other people in my office this New Year's week is 21 hours.

21 / (24*7) = 12.5%.

Therefore, other people in my office are at work for 12.5% this New Year's week.

So, 36% > 12.5% by 23.5%.

23.5% (the difference between how much I work compared to other people) almost equals 24% (the other people's typical work week).

In conclusion, I will be at work longer than other people by a whole typical work week for them this week.

I think I'm getting screwed over.

no that didn't help at all

2005-12-28T20:18:00.000-06:00

email traffic regarding my kostenanforderung

A1C Mathews,
In regard to the bill-of-cost, fire department issue, we talked about earlier, I was able to talk to issuing authority – once they were notified, they have to always assume, that there is danger to someones life. The law requires them to respond.

The fire department from Weilerbach, which is a voluntary arrangement, and the professional fire department from Kaiserslautern, responded. At the scene, the person in charge immediately, once he identified the circumstances, asked for the people from Weilerbach to return, since they were no longer needed.

You have the option to claim this through your insurance…

Iris Marschall
German Legal Assistant
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Iris,
Who notified the fire department to respond, was it Polizie or a civilian?
And what were the circumstances the Kaiserslautern fire department identified?
Thank you again for your help in this matter.

//SIGNED//
Stephen Mathews, A1C, USAF
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A1C Mathews,
I am not sure, who notified them. I think they were notified by a person that drove by. You know, it does not really matter, how there are notified and by whom, once they are notified, they must respond as if somebody's life was at danger.

Hope this helps.

Iris Marschall
German Legal Assistant

It's all about...

2005-12-28T02:15:00.000-06:00

...the new guy.

Parking Lot Rules

2005-12-27T00:51:00.000-06:00

1) If you pass an open spot, you cannot 'back up' to get it. Once it's passed, it's a free space again.

2) People who walk to their cars to put packages away, must let cars waiting for their spot what their intentions are. (don't make them wait, when you knew all along that you were not leaving, but just putting packages away.

3) When you get into your car to leave & people are waiting for your spot. You must leave within 2 minutes.

4) Taking up more than one spot is strictly prohibited!

5) If two cars are waiting for the same parking spot, the car that arrived 1st gets the spot. Regardless if the car backing out of the spot blocks the car that arrived 1st from entering right away.

6) If you pull into an open spot and you find out the spot in front of you is open and there is no parking blocks, you can not pull forward.

7) No 'backing' into parking spots

8) If two people arrive at an open parking spot at the same time, the first one to use their turn signal gets it.

9) Going the wrong way in parking lots with "one-ways", is strictly prohibited.

10) When waiting for a parking spot to open, you must give the person backing out enough room to do so.

11) You are responsible for your own shopping cart.....RETURN it. Do not leave it in a parking spot or where it can damage other cars.

12) No 'stalking': following pedestrians back to their parking spots!

AWOL

2005-12-25T20:36:00.000-06:00

yeah so i was AWOL yesterday
the schedule for christmas and new years is that we work a week and are off a week
so i have to work new years week, but i'm off christmas week
but you can't be gone from work for 5 days unless you're on leave
so we have to check physically check into the shop to prove we're in the local area
i was supposed to do that on saturday before noon
...
yeah i totally slept through it and didn't realize it until i called my shop later that night, at like 2am (i needed to get connected to an off-base number) and they were all like
'dude where have you been? you're AWOL man' and i was all like 'aw shit'
so they said i can expect paperwork from my Senior Master Sergeant
...
but what pisses me off is my supervisor had to check in that same day...
personally, if i was a supervisor and someone told me my troop was AWOL, i woulda went to his place to see if he was home (which i was) maybe i'm wrong, but i thought that your supervisor is supposed to look out for you, but he didn't.
...
oh well

Old Air Force vs New Air Force

2005-12-24T15:26:00.000-06:00

1945 - NCO'S had a typewriter on their desks for doing daily reports.
2005 - Everyone has an Internet access computer, and they wonder why no work is getting done.

1945 - We painted pictures of girls on airplanes to remind us of home.
2005 - Do it now and see what happens

1945 - If you got drunk off duty your buddies would take you back to the barracks to sleep it off.
2005 - If you get drunk they slap you in rehab and ruin your career.

1945 - You were taught to aim at your enemy and shoot him.
2005 - You spray 500 bullets into the brush, don't hit anything, and retreat because you're out of ammo.

1945 - Canteens were made of steel, and you could heat coffee or hot chocolate in them.
2005 - Canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat anything in them, and they always taste like plastic.

1945 - They collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it.
2005 - They collect your pee and analyze it.

1945 - If you didn't act right, the First Sergeant put you in the brig until you straightened up.
2005 - If you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you forever.

1945 - Medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own.
2005 - Medals are awarded to people who work at headquarters.

1945 - You slept in barracks like a soldier.
2005 - You sleep in a dormitory like a college kid.

1945 - You ate in a mess hall, which was free, and you could have all the food you wanted.
2005 - You eat in a dining facility, every slice of bread or pad of butter costs, and you better not take too much.

1945 - We defeated powerful countries like Germany and Japan.
2005 - We come up short against Iraq and Yugoslavia.

1945 - If you wanted to relax, you went to the rec center, played pool, smoked! and drank beer.
2005 - You go to the community center and you can play in the pool.

1945 - If you wanted beer and conversation you went to the NCO's or Officer's Club.
2005 - The beer will cost you $2.75, membership is forced, and someone is watching how much you drink.

1945 - The Exchange had bargains for soldiers who didn't make much money.
2005 - You can get better and cheaper merchandise at Wal-Mart and K-Mart.

1945 - Mouth off to a sergeant and get pounded.
2005 - Do it now and get handed a "time-out" card.

1945 - We called the enemy names like "Krauts" and "Japs" because we didn't like them.
2005 - We call the enemy the "opposing force" or "aggressor" because we don't want to offend them.

1945 - Victory was declared when the enemy was defeated and all his things were broken.
2005 - Victory is declared when the enemy says he is sorry.

1945 - A Commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people.
2005 - A Commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt.

1945 - Wars were planned and run by generals with lots of important victories.
2005 - Wars are planned by politicians with lots of equivocating.

1945 - All you could think about was getting out and becoming a civilian, again.
2005 - All you can think about is getting out and becoming a civilian, again.

Kostenanforderung

2005-12-22T00:37:00.000-06:00

Fur den Einsatz der Berufsfeuerwehr Kaiserslautern am 14.11.2005, Einsatzbericht-Nr. 3199, werden Sie gebeten an die Stadtkasse Kaiserslautern nachstehenden Betrag, unter Angabe des Kassenzeichens 5.1385.500868.5, innerhalb eines Monats zu zahlen. Der Betrag ergibt sich aus der Einsatzursache und der Kostenaufstellung.

Einsatzursache:
Am 14.11.2005 war Ihr Fahrzeug, amtl. Kennzeichen AD-DY 628 in Kaiserslautern auf der B 270, an einem Verkehrsunfall beteiligt. Durch die Fuerwehr Kaiserslautern wurde die Warnblinkanlage eingeschaltet. Aufgrund nachfolgend genannter, gesetzlicher Bestimmungen berechen wir fur den Einsatz der Feuerwehr:

Kostenaufstellung:
4 Feuerwehrbeamte - 0,5 Std = 2,0 Std - 33,15€ = 66,30€
11 Feuerwehr Männer - 0,5 Std = 5,5 Std - 20,45€ = 112,48€
Personalkosten 10% der Gesamtpersonalkosten = 17,88€
1 Einsatzfahrzeug - 0,5 Std - 166,16€ = 83,08€
1 Einsatzfahrzeug - 0,5 Std - 138,04€ = 69,02€
_______________________________________________________
348,75€

E-mails to the Future!

2005-12-20T03:16:00.000-06:00

I just stumbled upon a site that allows you to send an e-mail to whoever you want into the future. It's not as impressive as one might think. The e-mail probably just sits on a server until the date specified. It's cool as a kind of little reminder tool, but other than that, it's just silly. What is fun to do is read some of the e-mails that people are sending to the future. A lot of them are really dumb. Check it out:

FutureMe.org

Pulse

2005-12-19T23:55:00.000-06:00

Before working in the Network Security field, I would look at movies like Hackers and The Matrix and just think that it was so cool. Now, I laugh. I mean, Neo (Keanu Reeves) tries to exit a program by hitting CTRL+X. That is the first half of the 'cut and paste' command.

Well, Hollywood is at it again by taking a Japanese horror film (What is up with stealing Asian horror films lately?) and creating an American version. The plot summary for the movie Pulse reads as this on IMDb:

After the suicide of one of their friends a group of young adults receive e-mails saying that the end of the world is near. Slowly those who receive the e-mails fall into a deep depression. The only one who failed to open the e-mail, Emily, tries to stop those she loves from killing themselves like her best friend did. But is there a way to stop this apparent curse or will the world end with a mass suicide?

I totally want to see this movie just to see how they use computers and technology in the film. I can't picture busty college girls being able to out-smart a hacker sending e-mails that make people want to kill themselves. It's most likely that the hacker is going to be one of the main character's friends which will be even more unbelievable. Be sure to watch for this crappy movie soon.

Cubicles

2005-12-18T06:23:00.000-06:00

What Wiki has to say.

Now, some lovely pictures of cubicles:

Office Space Flash Game

2005-12-17T06:35:00.000-06:00

Play it.

Peeks around corner...sneaks into room...

2005-12-13T12:08:00.000-06:00

Hello...is this thing on?

It's uhmm, me Copier Girl...Cam asked me to post over here, but he didn't give me instructions or anything...just the key to the store (isn't that like giving someone an assault rifle and no instructions how to shoot it...hey, I'm from Canada dammit...I've never even held a gun!)

Anyways, this is a picture of the saddest thing that happened in Canada this holiday season:

Thanks for the invite Cam...email me with more instructions, so I don't shoot myself in the foot.

Time left today in my cubicle: 4 hours, 55 minutes

To do list: Surf the rest of the internet, eat lunch, discuss last night's episode of "Medium" around the water cooler, finish Christmas cards, look busy when boss walks by...

Copier Girl!

Steve Sick, Cam Tired

2005-12-13T00:47:00.000-06:00

Mathews has been really sick for the past week or so. He's had to go to the Emergency Room at least three times. I feel really bad for him, but he's quite lucky to get out of work. I'm sure he'd rather be here, but it has been insanely busy.

I am extremely tired. Working 12 hour shifts is still tough even though I've been doing it for a year and a half. I went home right after work last night and went straight to bed. I didn't wake up until my alarm went off this morning. I got up, got dressed for work, and came right back in. It doesn't feel like any time has gone by at all. *sigh*

Edit (4:55 p.m. CES): Mathews has been admitted to the E.R. Please wish him well.

"Both cheeks"

2005-12-08T19:35:00.000-06:00

...the doc said matter-of-factly in his slightly feminine voice
I looked questionably at the doctor and slowly put both hands on my face; then it dawned on me “Oh… those cheeks”
“Yes, so if you could, like, pull your pants down to, like, here” he gestured halfway down my buttocks, "and then, like, get on the table”
“You want me to lay down?” I asked uncertainly
“Yes you want to, like, be as relaxed as possible because, like, it hurts a lot more when you tense up” he explained
“Oh” I say while thinking ‘as if laying down on an examination table with my pants down while you grab my ass cheeks and stick them with needles, WON’T make me tense’

But of course I’m not a doctor, so I do as he says. And as I’m laying there on top of the examine table, on top of that wax paper stuff that crinkles really loudly whenever you move, with my pants halfway down my ass. I think, ‘Well it could, be worse. This isn’t really that bad a quick couple of pokes and I’ll be as good as new.’

The cool alcohol swab startles me a little bit and brings me back to reality just in time to feel a slight sting.
“Ok that was, like, one. The next one is a bit more painful, like, the kind of shot you get when you’re going to Africa”
Although I never received a shot for going to Africa I could imagine how painful it was going to feel. It was just slightly more intense then the penicillin shot we got in basic – which made some guys cry and they couldn’t sit down for a while

“Alright, you’re, like, done now. Tomorrow you’ll feel like a new man” he says as he snaps off his latex gloves. “I’ll go ahead and let them know you’re done and then you can, like, fill out the rest of the paperwork and, like, you’ll be on your way”

“Alright, thanks doc”

Office Christmas Presents

2005-12-04T06:40:00.000-06:00

I bought a Christmas present for Steve yesterday. I think it's a really cool gift. So cool that I bought one for myself as well. It's something that he can bring to work and it will keep him entertained when he is bored. Well, I thought of some other gifts that would be good for someone who work in a cubicle.

Demotivational Posters - I hate motivational posters. The pictures are so simple and the phrases are pulled out of Harvard Graduate butts. If you are going to waste high quality paper, at least put something funny on it.

Caffeine Candy Sampler - Caffeine is a must-have at work. Candy is delicious. So, enjoy delicious caffeine.

Illuminated Hardware - If you are like me, you hate when your significant other turns on the lights while you are sleeping. It wakes you up really good though. Well, get your co-worker to stay awake by giving them keyboards and mice that light up.

Tool Logic Office Companion - It's got everything you need in your office: laser pointer, stapler, hole punch, one meter ruler, precision scissor, ballpoint pen, screwdrivers, screwdriver socket, letter opener, and staple remover.

Water Powered Calculator - Add water and calculate for three months.

The Latest E-mail Forwards

2005-12-03T07:24:00.000-06:00

Chuck Norris Facts

Mr. T Facts

Vin Diesel Facts

It's sad when this is the stuff that truly boosts my morale.

Top Ten #1

2005-11-29T18:04:00.000-06:00

Cam's Top Ten Things He Thinks Of When He Hears The Word "Office."

10. Stapler.

9. Motivational posters.

8. E-mail forwards.

7. Caffeine (by any means necessary).

6. That BBC and NBC show.

5. Office Space.

4. CAFFEINE! BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY!!!!!!!!!!!!1

3. Printer/copier/fax machine.

2. Awwww... crap.

1. Cubicles.

Winter Begins

2005-11-24T14:49:00.000-06:00

Today is the first day of snow for us here at Ramstein Air Base. That means winter officially begins. Traffic will be ten times worse, the roads will be ten times more slippery, and the safety briefings will be ten times longer. As much as I love snow, I hate dealing with it.

Tiiiiiiiiiiiired

2005-11-23T21:18:00.000-06:00

I am super tired tonight. I think this is due to two reasons:

1) For some reason they decided to turn the lights off right above me.
2) My sleep schedule is all messed up.

I have caught myself nodding off a few times, but I just keep walking around or something and stay awake for a little longer. I can't wait to go home to sleep, but I have to work again tomorrow night.

Office Movies

2005-11-20T13:49:00.000-06:00

Here is a list of movies that capture the environment of any office perfectly:

Glengarry Glen Ross (1992) - Even though it's about a real estate office, the reason this is a great office movie is the relationship between the characters. If you don't have a Shelley Levene, Ricky Roma, or John Williamson in your office, then you do not work in an office!

Clockwatchers (1997) - The title of this movie says it all. Office theft happens in every corporation (including the military) and dealing with it is no different.

Office Space (1999) - This is on the top of the list for a reason. There is no other movie that captures what it is like to work in a cubicle-filled building quite like this one. It's hilarious, it's true; it's the office.

Fight Club (1999) - Although there wasn't much office business, we did see Norton's character in his office a few times. He works for the typical boss who finds inappropriate material in the office's fax machine. Now, who reading this has never been in that awkward situation before? >.<

The Matrix (1999) - 1999 must have been the year for office satires. Yes, we didn't get to see much of Thomas Anderson's, or Neo's workplace but what we did see was the same thing I see now. Cubicles and drowsy employees waiting for the copy machine to un-jam.

The Office (2001) - Okay, so it's not a movie, it's a TV show. But a brilliant one at that! They pull tons of pranks and jokes that I myself have even copied. Not only that, but a boss that is so full of himself that he doesn't even realize that he is destroying his own persona. Whether it be the U.K. or U.S. versions, you get the same classic office moments that everyone has.

What I Feel Like Doing Sometimes

2005-11-19T16:32:00.000-06:00

stock car parts

2005-11-19T00:03:00.000-06:00

[sigh]...[/sigh]
what's new? i've finally got all the stock parts back into my car and it's running again.
i still think there's something wrong with the air/fuel mixture b/c when i first start the car it runs nice and smooth... no it just runs... but after about 20 minutes it starts shuddering and coughing.
it doesn't seem to matter what RPM i run at either, it's rough; but after if i turn the car off for a few hours it runs great again.
i'm going to take it to a mechanic soon, as soon as i can find one i trust anyways.
alright peace out all

What To Do At Work

2005-11-18T13:56:00.000-06:00

Here's what we do to keep ourselves motivated through our 12-hour shifts. Maybe this can help you get through those slow days.

-Watch any shows that would normally be shown in the late afternoon (i.e. Judge Judy, Blind Date, etc.).
-Play office football using empty water bottles and rolling around in computer chairs.
-Surf your favorite blogs.
-Make flip cartoons out of post-its.
-Make prank phone calls to co-workers.
-Instead of getting a cup of coffee, take a really long time making yourself a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows, whip cream, sprinkles, chocolate chips, and a cherry.
-Eat food.
-Make artistic designs out of telephone cords.
-Make funny edits to the latest newspaper articles.
-Fix the fax machine.
-Drop paper from the roof and bet money on whose will hit the ground first.
-Read all of the comic strips on your co-worker's Dilbert 2005 calendar.
-Change your co-worker's desktop wallpaper to the most NSFW picture you can find; preferably anything that makes them look like a homosexual.
-Eat candy.

project car

2005-11-16T06:21:00.000-06:00

... i will never give up... i should just turn this into a project car... you know, one of those things that just sit there as you put one piece on a week until it's finished, and then you don't drive it?

yeah that's what i should do, but wait.... i actually need a car to drive too....
what sucks is this model the '91 GTI has an electronic air regulator and i think it's broke - well i know it's broke - b/c i smashed that vile electronic piece with a rubber mallet several times and left it for dead in the parking lot- i mean i used my troubleshooting skills to isolate the problem

when i replaced the fuel hose the car was running fine and then it started sputtering, i thought maybe i hadn't put the fuel hose on tight enough, but what i noticed was that the air hoses right next to the fuel hose were actually broken.

so naturally i assumed that when i was putting on the fuel hose i broke the air hose, so i replaced them, but to no avail. so unless something totally random just broke on my car, i'm pretty sure it's my air intake.

anyways i got really pissed off b/c my car wasn't working that i broke that electronic air intake thingamajig and now i need a replacement, so my car isn't running. it will be easy to replace, i just need cam to drive me to the junkyard

i will go cry i mean sleep now; and by "sleep" i mean "play battlefield 2"

Dinner at Work

2005-11-15T15:36:00.000-06:00

Today, for dinner, we ordered:

Bowl of Chili
Guacamole Burger
20 Hot Wings

What we were served:

Paper Soda Cup of Chili
Onion Chicken Burger
15 Fried Chicken Wings

Spot on.

kernal32.dll

2005-11-14T17:40:00.000-06:00

(Click the picture to enlarge.)

stau! scheisse!

2005-11-14T16:22:00.000-06:00

so i was three hours late to work tonight. but it wasn't entirely my fault, i blame traffic.
they (german road constructors?0 are editing a federal road (which is a main road, approximately equal to a US state route) and it was pretty much a parking lot as far as you could see.
i was sitting in this mess for over 25 min and i was stopped on an incline. well i had about a half tank when i started out (and i know from previous experiences, i need to refill at a quarter tank).

i was sitting there, listening to some lil rob when my car sputtered and stalled; i was quite confused and so i restarted my car and all is well... not, it stalls again. i look at my gas gauge, it was E and i was all like, 'son of a *****, you god****ed motha*****!' - or something like that.
but the problem is the road i'm on is only two lanes wide, one each direction and there's no shoulder because there's guardrails right on the edge of the road.
so anyways i had to put out my little red warning triangle and call my shop to get somebody to pick me up.

-------------------------------------------(breather)

anyways i get picked up and we (cam and i) go to my room to pick up a couple of gas cans and we fill them up, a total of 7.5 gal. we get out to my car and (well first of all, my car doesn't have emergency blinkers, or so i thought) and my emergency blinkers are on! i was all like 'say what! wtf!?! because i had locked my doors, at least i'm pretty ****ed sure i did.

so somebody opened my car, turned on my emergencies (that i didn't know i had) and didn't steal anything or give me a ticket, talk about a good samaritan.
anyways, i fill upmy tank and get in my car and i can't for the life of me figure out how to turn off these emergency blinkers, we finally figured it out it was a ghettofied led pushbutton on the top of my steering column.

so as i drive away, my car is still shaking and i wasn't sure what it was, i figured it needed more gas so we stop at a gas station and i put in 10 euro. so we continue to Vogelweh AB and the security forces guy checks my id and asks me how i'm doin, (my car was kinda sputtering right then) and i said, 'i'm not sure' anyways, i go to drive off and my car frickin' stalls on me. so now i'm confused.

i pull off to the side and put up my hood to see if i could find the problem and then cam points out that there was a line of fluid coming out from under my car. i smelled the fluid and it was definately gas; so first i check my gas tank, it's fine and then cam said it was coming from the front of the car. ok sidenote (about four days ago i replaced my alternator and to do that i had to remove my belt cover which i never put back on) so, what happened is my unprotected timing belt actually cut my gas hose so gas was leaking all over my engine, but not going inside of it.

so i throw on the belt cover and throw some packaging tape over the hose, b/c i couldn't find my electrical tape and drove it up to my room and cam drove me to work. so tomorrow i got to get some replacement hose and i'll be good to go.

so what did we learn? manufacturers usually put s*** there for a reson

German Traffic

2005-11-10T18:58:00.000-06:00

On the way to work today I hit the worst traffic I have ever experienced in Germany. Until now, traffic has been a breeze and I always hit up the autobahns to get my over 150 m.p.h. fix. I mean, no officer, I am always a safety conscience driver.

Police Officer: *gives the finger*
Me: *whispers to self* That's right, I am number one.

Anyways, they decided to build a third lane for the autobahn downtown in anticipation for the 2006 FIFA World Cup. If traffic is this bad now, I can't imagine how bad it's going to be during the World Cup. I spent a whole hour sitting in traffic. Luckily, I had left for work early to get gas before going on duty, otherwise I wouldn't have been on time. I still need to get gas though.

Working

2005-11-10T14:25:00.000-06:00

So, I am at work... working... sort of. Do you remember that TV show with Fred Savage from the Wonder Years called "Working"? It had that Devo song "Working in the Coal Mine" as the most appropriate theme song ever known to man. They need to get that show out on DVD. If only my work environment was that comedic, maybe it would get cancelled too.

My job is apparently the only career field in the military that sees action everyday. Fortunately, it's not the bloody kind of action. Unfortunately, however, it's the nerdy kind of action. People coming and going trying to hack into our wonderful Air Force network. Seriously, when, and if, they ever get through, they are going to be severely disappointed. There's nothing interesting on our computers anyways. Well, you might find a couple funny pictures and military jokes on a Colonel's machine, but that's about it.

So, if any 13-year-old script kiddies decide to read this, stop trying to hack us. You are wasting your time. Trust me.

And now, a commercial break...