Top Ten #1

Cam's Top Ten Things He Thinks Of When He Hears The Word "Office."

10. Stapler.

9. Motivational posters.

8. E-mail forwards.

7. Caffeine (by any means necessary).

6. That BBC and NBC show.

5. Office Space.

4. CAFFEINE! BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY!!!!!!!!!!!!1

3. Printer/copier/fax machine.

2. Awwww... crap.

1. Cubicles.

Winter Begins

Today is the first day of snow for us here at Ramstein Air Base. That means winter officially begins. Traffic will be ten times worse, the roads will be ten times more slippery, and the safety briefings will be ten times longer. As much as I love snow, I hate dealing with it.

Tiiiiiiiiiiiired

I am super tired tonight. I think this is due to two reasons:

1) For some reason they decided to turn the lights off right above me.
2) My sleep schedule is all messed up.

I have caught myself nodding off a few times, but I just keep walking around or something and stay awake for a little longer. I can't wait to go home to sleep, but I have to work again tomorrow night.

Office Movies

Here is a list of movies that capture the environment of any office perfectly:

Glengarry Glen Ross (1992) - Even though it's about a real estate office, the reason this is a great office movie is the relationship between the characters. If you don't have a Shelley Levene, Ricky Roma, or John Williamson in your office, then you do not work in an office!

Clockwatchers (1997) - The title of this movie says it all. Office theft happens in every corporation (including the military) and dealing with it is no different.

Office Space (1999) - This is on the top of the list for a reason. There is no other movie that captures what it is like to work in a cubicle-filled building quite like this one. It's hilarious, it's true; it's the office.

Fight Club (1999) - Although there wasn't much office business, we did see Norton's character in his office a few times. He works for the typical boss who finds inappropriate material in the office's fax machine. Now, who reading this has never been in that awkward situation before? >.<

The Matrix (1999) - 1999 must have been the year for office satires. Yes, we didn't get to see much of Thomas Anderson's, or Neo's workplace but what we did see was the same thing I see now. Cubicles and drowsy employees waiting for the copy machine to un-jam.

The Office (2001) - Okay, so it's not a movie, it's a TV show. But a brilliant one at that! They pull tons of pranks and jokes that I myself have even copied. Not only that, but a boss that is so full of himself that he doesn't even realize that he is destroying his own persona. Whether it be the U.K. or U.S. versions, you get the same classic office moments that everyone has.

What I Feel Like Doing Sometimes

What To Do At Work

Here's what we do to keep ourselves motivated through our 12-hour shifts. Maybe this can help you get through those slow days.

-Watch any shows that would normally be shown in the late afternoon (i.e. Judge Judy, Blind Date, etc.).
-Play office football using empty water bottles and rolling around in computer chairs.
-Surf your favorite blogs.
-Make flip cartoons out of post-its.
-Make prank phone calls to co-workers.
-Instead of getting a cup of coffee, take a really long time making yourself a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows, whip cream, sprinkles, chocolate chips, and a cherry.
-Eat food.
-Make artistic designs out of telephone cords.
-Make funny edits to the latest newspaper articles.
-Fix the fax machine.
-Drop paper from the roof and bet money on whose will hit the ground first.
-Read all of the comic strips on your co-worker's Dilbert 2005 calendar.
-Change your co-worker's desktop wallpaper to the most NSFW picture you can find; preferably anything that makes them look like a homosexual.
-Eat candy.

Dinner at Work

Today, for dinner, we ordered:

Bowl of Chili
Guacamole Burger
20 Hot Wings


What we were served:

Paper Soda Cup of Chili
Onion Chicken Burger
15 Fried Chicken Wings

Spot on.

kernal32.dll

(Click the picture to enlarge.)

German Traffic

On the way to work today I hit the worst traffic I have ever experienced in Germany. Until now, traffic has been a breeze and I always hit up the autobahns to get my over 150 m.p.h. fix. I mean, no officer, I am always a safety conscience driver.

Police Officer: *gives the finger*
Me: *whispers to self* That's right, I am number one.

Anyways, they decided to build a third lane for the autobahn downtown in anticipation for the 2006 FIFA World Cup. If traffic is this bad now, I can't imagine how bad it's going to be during the World Cup. I spent a whole hour sitting in traffic. Luckily, I had left for work early to get gas before going on duty, otherwise I wouldn't have been on time. I still need to get gas though.

Working

So, I am at work... working... sort of. Do you remember that TV show with Fred Savage from the Wonder Years called "Working"? It had that Devo song "Working in the Coal Mine" as the most appropriate theme song ever known to man. They need to get that show out on DVD. If only my work environment was that comedic, maybe it would get cancelled too.

My job is apparently the only career field in the military that sees action everyday. Fortunately, it's not the bloody kind of action. Unfortunately, however, it's the nerdy kind of action. People coming and going trying to hack into our wonderful Air Force network. Seriously, when, and if, they ever get through, they are going to be severely disappointed. There's nothing interesting on our computers anyways. Well, you might find a couple funny pictures and military jokes on a Colonel's machine, but that's about it.

So, if any 13-year-old script kiddies decide to read this, stop trying to hack us. You are wasting your time. Trust me.

And now, a commercial break...